Crashed and burned

I recently had an experience, I want to share with all of you. As I was thinking about what to call this email, several different subject names came to mind. I considered at least the following:

• Lessons learned
• The Perfect Day
• Handling hardship

Well, you will see I chose something different for the title of this email. "Why?" you ask. That's where the story begins. On October 14th of this year I was laid off from my job. It happened suddenly, and I told myself that I didn't want to worry anyone, so I swore your mother to secrecy.

Recently, the family went down to St. George to visit Randy and Penny for Naly's homecoming. It was marvelous. She shared wonderful experiences from her mission and bore and strong and fervent testimony. We met her trainer Rachael, who came with her husband, Landon, and also stayed with Randy and Penny. We were able to see all the cousins and enjoyed one another's company. We actually got to see Aunt Mary, too. After a marvelous Thai dinner prepared by Penny, as we were wrapping up the visit, we went around the circle of family members to get an update and have them tell about what is going on in their lives. We heard the neat activities each one is involved in. But as my turn approached, I started to get nervous about revealing that I had been laid off. I told myself "I don't want to concern them" and "They have enough to worry about." And when it came my turn, I just kind of smoothed it over and pretty much said things were fine and hadn't really changed--no big deal, right? Well, I thought about it the whole way home and struggled with my reasoning. I knew it wasn't really true, but I considered my choice to be an act of thoughtfulness because I didn't want to overly worry Randy and Penny or their family. But still I struggled. Is that what I really should have done? My children were listening and waiting to see what I said. I had the opportunity handed to me on a silver platter, but instead of running with it, I sort of stumbled and fell in the heat of the moment. (eg crashed and burned)

So I continued to wrestle with my actions through the night. What was to come of all this? Finally, this morning I had a sort of epiphany. Really, I just looked at the situation from the standpoint of what really happened. This is what I came up with:

• I am lying to myself by saying that I don't want to burden others with my problems. Instead, I don't share the news because I am ashamed. But how bogus is that? This life is full of challenges. Nobody expects us to live in a perfect world without mishap, and the actions of someone else does not my value make. "The Perfect Day" is a great advertising slogan, but it does not represent real life.
• Hardship is part of life. I will share a great quote with you that Naly used in her talk in this regard, but I am waiting for her to send me the reference. Instead of hiding the hardship we face and pretending it doesn't exist, we should recognize it for what it is--a challenge--and then work together to overcome it.
• I missed an opportunity to share the burden with others who are loving, forgiving, and supportive and specifically missed a chance to talk about it with Randy. He knows something about the challenges of being laid off. My sharing what I am doing to rectify the situation could be a blessing to him and all you children as well. Why am I so nervous or scared to share it with others?
• Honestly, we are fine. The Lord advised us through His prophet to put away enough for a rainy day. We have that because we followed His counsel. Grandpa, too, always encouraged us children to follow this counsel and get out of debt and put a little away for the hard times that are sure to come.

To wrap up this thought, I will just say that obstacles in this life are to be expected. Let's come together to overcome them. We have nothing to be ashamed of, but we have everything to gain by pooling our resources to overcome hardship. That's why the Lord has organized families and church and numerous resources in our behalf.

To borrow someone else's words: The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. And so it is with our family. Together we are much more powerful, convincing, and capable than we are individually.

Remember that lesson!

Please forgive me for my shortsighted actions.

I love you, dad

I will order all things for thy good...

Doctrine and Covenants 111:11

A real strength

One of my dad's greatest qualities was his uncanny ability to listen....

He was wise, astute, and articulate, but I often sought his assistance because I knew he would hear me out. Sometimes I just needed to pour out my troubles or reveal my frustrations or share a moment of pride or satisfaction. He would pay attention to my concerns and rejoice or sorrow with me as the case required without judging me, and I could share the tender feelings of my heart freely. Perhaps the ability to listen is not found among the lists of greatest attributes esteemed and admired in others, but for me, it was significant.

I have told the story many times when my dad and I would share a few moments together driving in the truck along the river road between Moab and Castle Valley or pruning the trees up in the orchard and around the farm or completing some other task together. We shared many things talking, exhorting, and sometimes crying as we exchanged thoughts with one another. I would often try to articulate the troubles I was experiencing at home or in school, and he would listen to my intent though my words often failed me. Near the end of the journey, I would respond with something like "Dad, thank you so much for helping me work through this." And he would smile and his eyes twinkled. I knew then that I had done all the talking--but what I needed was someone to listen--and that's just what Dad would do.

When my father passed away, I missed many of his qualities, but quiet, confident, sincere listening was certainly among the most treasured. And that was just like Dad to always be thinking of helping others.

And for me, it was someone who would listen.

Listen to the words of Christ, your Redeemer, your Lord and your God.

Moroni 8:8

Forgiveness -- you have nothing to lose

In previous letters, I have told you about some of my heros. Another one I may not have mentioned is Helaman. He is big. He is strong. He's a faithful leader and an example of bravery--but that's not all. He also knows the source of his strength. Helaman 5:12

"And now, my sons (and daughters), remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when (not if) the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

We know that because we are mortal, we shall be tried and tested; we knew that when we chose to come to to earth. And even though we may consistently choose the right, we will not be spared from the storms of life. The "mighty winds" of illness, financial challenges, death, accidents, and natural catastrophes will not escape us. But we are told that the storm will have no power over us to drag us down because of the rock upon which we are built.

I think we are all familiar with the parable of the wise and the foolish men; the one built his house on the rock, the other built his on the sand. Even the Primary children can tell us what happened when the rains came down and the floods came up.

If our faith and our lives are built on the rock, on the gospel of Jesus Christ, we will be able to understand and better withstand the storms that beat upon us. When we allow our Church friends to hurt our feelings, when our home teachers and visiting teachers forget we are on their routes for months at a time, when we suffer the frailties of men, it will be easier to forgive and to understand because of that faith.

"Is there someone in your life who perhaps needs forgiveness? Is there someone in your home, someone in your family … who has done an unjust or an unkind or an unchristian thing? All of us are guilty of such transgressions, so there surely must be someone who yet needs your forgiveness." Jeffrey R. Holland

Don’t treasure up past wrongs, reprocessing them again and again. In a marriage relationship, festering is destructive; forgiveness is divine (see Doctrine and Covenants 64:9–10).

Plead for the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord to forgive wrongs …, to overcome faults, and to strengthen relationships." Dallin H. Oaks

The spirit must be freed from tethers so strong and feelings never put to rest, so that the lift of life may give buoyancy to the soul. In many families, there are hurt feelings and a reluctance to forgive. It doesn’t really matter what the issue was. It cannot and should not be left to injure. Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals." Thomas S. Monson

When Steven was a little boy, he came to me saying "Dad, some of the boys at school just goof off when the teacher tells them to run laps, or they say they ran them when they really didn't. It's not fair."

I said "You're right. Some don't follow their leaders and run laps like they are supposed to, but who does it really hurt? Is it the teacher? No. Are the other students who ran the whole distance hurt? No. They may feel it is unfair, but they got the exercise and benefit for doing so. If anyone was hurt, it's the students that were slacking. They didn't get the satisfaction of properly completing the task, the benefit from exercise, or realize the improved endurance and stamina that the others did who faithfully obeyed the teacher."

And so it is with those that hold a grudge and refuse to forgive others. They lose friends, acceptance, good feelings, and the satisfaction of forgiving others. Plus they must suffer for their own sins. (see Doctrine and Covenants 19:17,18)

When you forgive others, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

The Unspeakable Gift

Life's storms are sure to come. This life was never meant to be easy.

Elder F. Burton Howard recounts in the article The Gift of Knowing that throughout our lives we will be required to choose between duty, or obligation, and other more-or-less attractive alternatives. Should we watch television or go visiting teaching? Should we spend time with the family or with friends? Do we read the scriptures or the latest novel? Do we leave the children home or take them with us? Do we go into debt or do without? Each of these choices, when made, excludes others. Otherwise, there could be no real probation (or test). The designer of the plan of salvation made it that way. By allowing us to discover where our hearts are as the result of the free choices we make, he helps us learn who and what we really are.

The above article is long but worth the read. I thought of each one of you at different times while reading it. Some of you have looming decisions to make; some of you have serious obstacles to overcome. We all need guidance and direction thorough the challenges and decisions of life. But the Lord has not left us comfortless. John 14:18

I read recently about a survey that was taken, and the respondents overwhelmingly agreed that they preferred to watch a football game already knowing who would be victorious. The element of surprise aside why do you think they responded that way?

Reasons they gave included--less stress, confidence, assurety, peace--knowing the end makes all the difference in how you see the game while it is happening. Even during difficult situations--3rd down, two minutes left in the fourth quarter, and two touchdowns behind--we can accept the status quo with confidence if we know the outcome.

We know the outcome! Christ is victorious. He wrought the Atonement in our behalf, and we too can be victorious and achieve our fondest dreams. The gift of knowing is priceless. And as members of the Church, we have been given the unspeakable Gift of the Holy Ghost that we might know the truth of all things. Where should I go for work? What should I study in school? Who shall I marry? When is the right time? Answers to these questions and all others are at our finger tips if we remain true to our covenants and seek the direction of the Lord, then listen to and follow the counsel.

I close with Elder Howard's exhortation "The gift has been given; what we make of it is up to us. Unless we listen to counsel, we will receive none. Unless we pray, exercise faith, love, obey, and keep the tabernacles of our spirits clean, we can have no claim upon this unspeakable gift."

Please live so that the guidance of the Holy Spirit can help you make wise decisions and to apply what you know to what you do.

It makes all the difference.

Good Things to Come

With a great deal of interest, I read an experience about a young man who faced challenges in a particular line of work as a youth but saw a transformation later doing the same thing with a different attitude. Read more here.

Why can make all the difference...

• why did you sacrifice two years at the prime of your life and thousands of dollars to go on a mission?
• why did your parents forfeit personal advantage, comfort, and the fun-loving single life to raise a family?
• why do you take the high road, which means you have to do hard things and face overwhelming challenges?

I could go on and on. We part with the seemingly obvious comforts today because the end justifies the means. Living for today means a lot of empty tomorrows. Live with tomorrow in mind, and today will take care of itself. That's not just my idea. Others far wiser than me have taught this same principle. Here are just a couple examples:

The Best is Yet to Be, Elder Jeffrey Holland

Preparation for Tomorrow, Elder Victor L. Brown

Turn the other cheek, go with him twain, love your enemies...read more here.

So we return to the question of why. Why do we do these things? It's really not that complicated. Though there are many reasons, I will give just two:

1. Following the gospel of Jesus Christ will make us happy.
2. Though it seems during earth life that those taking forbidden paths are happy, only those that accept His word and follow the commandments will find real happiness in this life and become recipients of the blessings of eternity in the world to come.

In this life, good things happen to the wicked and to the righteous, but only the obedient will follow God with lasting happiness into the eternities.

That's why faith in the Lord Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel--because our ability to accept His will and follow Him with all our heart depends on our believing in Him.

That is why... because of the good things to come.